Some people

So I wrote this rant last week on Facebook about what not to say to a pregnant woman. It really just amazes me the audacity some people have. Or lack of filter. Or common sense...

I don't understand how people think certain comments are ok. Especially the ones about a pregnant woman's size. I had someone tell me during my first pregnancy I looked like I would go any day. I was 6 months pregnant! So for the last three months, I thought I was huge and was embarrassed. I WAS NOT HUGE. Not at all. But comments like that towards women at a time when they already feel less attractive because of their changes does not help.

What the commenters fail to understand is they have no idea who this person is. And even if they know them, they may not really "know" them. They may not know that this person is already a mother, with 1, 2, 3, etc. kids running around at home, and she is beyond exhausted and doesn't see the point in dressing up to go to the grocery store. She isn't Kim Kardashian and why the hell would she want to be??

Or they don't know that this woman is struggling with her first (or sequential) pregnancy and the thoughts of "is my husband still attracted to me?" Sometimes, this goes through even the strongest woman's head and heart. Physical appearances are put to the front line entirely too much in this country. I hate to tell ya, but Barbie would look like a whale if she were pregnant! Ok, maybe not, but I like the thought.

They may not know that this woman will be a single mother and is just simply struggling in general.

People don't realize how a simple statement can make someone's day. She doesn't need to hear she is small for this point. That will only make her worry she is not gaining enough weight, and may be hurting her baby. She certainly doesn't need to hear the reverse. The best thing you can say to any pregnant woman is simply "You look great, dear."

And on the same topic, the question of "Are you gonna have another?" and "Don't you think it's time already?" are just as rude. You don't know the couple's story! Maybe this pregnancy was hard enough on the mother and she just wants to focus on having a healthy delivery of this one child before thinking of another. Maybe they have been trying for years to no avail. You don't know if this couple prays every day for a child, and this statement is just a slap in the face. Either way, the couple has probably put their childbearing life in God's hands, and it is up to Him. SO BACK OFF.

Rant over. :-) Yes I feel better now.

My learnings

Have I mentioned that I thoroughly enjoy meeting with my doula monthly? I feel as if I have learned so much through our meetings, my own research, and the books she lets me borrow. 

I am currently reading The Doula Guide to Birth by Ananda Lowe and Rachel Zimmerman. After reading the introductions alone, I wonder why we don't have births like the women did a hundred years ago, with other women by our side to support us. Why have we gotten into the mindset that we don't need help, and can manage this (birth and post partum) on our own? 

I remember times of sadness and feeling alone after my first delivery only have my mother say "You are fine, you need to learn how to deal." Because that is what she was told I guess. 

We need someone supportively saying "You will loose sleep, romance, freedom. It is perfectly ok not to soothe every cry. You don't have to do everything yourself." Just as we need someone to say before we get married "It's ok not to always agree. Don't be afraid to rock the boat. The first few years are HARD, but you will get through them." Especially since most girls grow up with this fantasy idea of the perfect marriage and being a mother. 

I continue to look forward to this delivery after what I have learned and continue to learn. I am so happy that I found a doula who will help me try to obtain the experience I want so that my husband and I can enjoy the birth of our second child. And I looked forward to my daughter to be a big sister.