Monday, October 29, 2012
Loss
So I haven't written in a while and here is why:
I had my 10 year high school reunion the last weekend of September. I quite enjoyed seeing what my classmates are doing with their lives. That next week Jeanne stayed at her Noni's house,so Shawn and I enjoyed some alone time, as I knew we needed with my charting. :)
On October 19, I knew I was pregnant, and a test confirmed it. I was through the moon!! Watching my temps and chart did work for me. Shawn was so happy also. We began talking with Jeanne about being a big sister. I was planning to announce it to my family on Thanksgiving, because that would allow an ultrasound to have taken place before then.
This past weekend I noticed my basal temps to start dropping. Then I started spotting today. I took another test and much to my dismay it was negative. I called the nurse and she had me come in to take blood for HCG, progesterone, and beta levels. But now I am having a period flow. So I am not hopeful for the call tomorrow. I am having a miscarriage. I have cried most of the day.
Yes I know I have a beautiful daughter to be thankful for. Yes I know many women go through this. Yes I know I was very early. But it doesn't make it any less real or my heart hurt less. If I hadn't been charting, I probably would have just thought my period was late. My chart says otherwise. I lost my baby. I will be ok. Not today. Probably not tomorrow. But eventually I will. I know I will. I have to believe that.
We will try again later. Maybe in a few months. I am not in a hurry.
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I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing but I started to miscarry on Mother's day. It is still heart breaking every Mother's day but it's starting to become ok. My parents don't know a thing and neither does Josh's parents. It was just to hard to tell them.
ReplyDeleteBaroness, I am sorry for your pain. My heart breaks for you as well.
DeleteI know it's really hard. You will make it through it. It is perfectly normal to grieve. Grieve however you need to. Don't be surprised if hubby grieves differently than you do. It's not that he isn't grieving it's just he's doing it in his own way.
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