Ephesians 4:22-24 that you should put away the old self of your former way of life, corrupted through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created in God’s way in righteousness and holiness of truth.
I went through a rough patch in my life. I said I believed in God, and I did, but I certainly didn’t follow my spiritual teachings. I followed my desires, clung to the things of the world. Drinking, relationships outside of marriage, sloth, envy. I lived there. I thought I could get by my sinful ways by just asking God “if you let this happen, I promise I will straighten my life up.” And it seemed to work, so I kept on in those ways, just figuring I could ask for forgiveness later. Well, it caught up to me eventually. I kept asking, “if I could not get pregnant, I’ll stop being intimate with this person.” And 3 weeks after getting engaged, I found out I was pregnant. (close to) Top of the class, goody-two-shoes, Catholic girl got pregnant before she was married. Definitely not a good way to represent the church.
It took a long time after having my baby before I leaned into the pull towards God. I was so angry for a while, mostly at myself, for being a hypocrite. How can I call others to God when I made this mistake? Well. Not a mistake. It I definitely got called out on my sin. Can’t pretend to be a good follower in the front row of church pregnant and unwed. Can’t be a church leader/grower when you didn’t follow the rules yourself.
But I learned later that I still could! I still could be a follower of Christ. I had to just forgive myself, turn back to God, shed my previous way of life. I renewed my mind, and let God have all of me. This all started when my baby, who wasn’t a baby because she was going into 2nd grade, was getting ready for First Communion. How can I lead her to Christ if I wasn’t showing the right examples? So I started learning, asking questions, reading, researching. God moved us to a new town for my husband’s job, and put me in the path of some really awesome Catholic women, and they helped me grow. Now, years later, I am helping lead others.
It wasn’t easy turning away from the desires of the world. I always felt like people would still think of me as being hypocritical. Like, how could you tell me o live when you made your own mistakes. I did, but I turned from them. I want better for my children, so I have to live it. I want a better world for their children, so I have to help build it. We all need to build up the church that Christ gave us, and to do that we need to turn from our old ways. Like a butterfly, we have to shed our old self and embrace the new.
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