Words of affirmation and praise are things that most people need. In relationships, both parties desire support and encouragement. Husbands are less likely to admit this need, though. Most husbands still do have a need to feel like they are the protector, that they are doing things right, that they are wanted and needed. This was hard for me to understand early on in our marriage, especially once we had children. I was the one up all night nursing and changing diapers. I would be the one to get up and get breakfast made, and get the kids ready for school before going to work. I would then go pick them up after work, go home make dinner, do homework with them, do bath time, put them to bed, and then when it was time for my husband and I to actually talk, I was drained. And then I was still to say thank you for him taking out the trash or doing the dishes once in a while? I never got a thank you. I was never encouraged to keep on keeping on.
After struggling with this for months, I found counsel with a Christian friend, who recommended I read The 5 Love Languages. It made me realize that acts of service is what made my bucket feel full and me loved. And I did love seeing my husband do the dishes, because I felt like I wasn't the only one taking care of things. But I also realized that my husband felt full when he was being affirmed. This may be as little as saying "thank you" for washing the dishes once a month, or giving encouraging words when he was feeling stressed about work. I didn't know that hearing these things for the tasks he did made him feel needed. I also delved deeper into the Bible, seeing that I should do my daily tasks for the glory of God, because He is the reason we are where we are. So lately, I try to remember to say praise and thanks for our house as I'm cleaning it, for the food as I'm cooking and washing dishes, for our provisions as I'm doing laundry, etc.
Even if words of affirmation isn't the top of your "need" list, hearing affirmation can make our hearts feel good. The action of giving words of affirmation is easier for some people than others, but we should learn to encourage one another. In the Bible, Elizabeth was a great example of affirmation of others. When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, and her baby jumped in her womb, she delivered the affirmation that we now have in our prayer Hail Mary. There are many young mothers who need to be affirmed, though not pitied. We all know being a new mom, a mom of several, or a mom without is hard. We all have face struggles now and again in this journey. What a blessing it could be to another mom if we just reached out and say "I just want you to know you matter. Everything you do matters. And God sees you." Older Christian women need to be godly roles for other women, as we are called to in Titus 2:3-5, "so they may train younger women to love their husbands and children..." I think that seeing another woman grow in her love for God can be just as encouraging and affirming as hearing "thank you."
No comments:
Post a Comment