Since adulthood, I have always had a hard time listening to this part of the gospels. The passion and crucifixion. I can't put my finger on the exact reason, but I always end up hurting so badly in my heart and crying for comfort like a child. It could be because at Mass on Good Friday we read the gospel from where Jesus was arrested through his burial, and we, the congregation, read aloud the parts of Peter's denial and the crowd demanding for the release of Barabas and demanding Jesus be crucified. It could be as I read those parts aloud in church, I am the one denying Jesus and I am the one demanding his crucifixion.
Matthew 27:25 And the whole people said in reply, "His blood be upon us and upon our children."
He people have acceptd the responsibility for Jesus' death. Verbally anyway. They really have no idea what they have taken responsibility for. They had been encouraged by the high priests to ask for Barabbas to be free and Jesus to be crucified.
Still today, we deny Jesus the way Peter did. Each time we knowingly sin or willingly put outlives into bad situations, we deny Jesus. We put him on the cross.
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